If You Want To Get Attention In A Bar… Take A Kindle.

Apparently Amazon’s Kindle is more compelling than a smile, more of an invitation than eye contact and works better for an ice breaker than a cute little puppy dog. Honestly, the level of unsolicited attention kind of reminds me of how I felt when people decided they had an open invitation to chat simply because I drove a convertible in LA. Anyway…

I arrived at my hotel LATE last night and as a result, scrambled to make it to the bar downstairs before they stopped serving. I slid into the open seat at the bar, grabbed a menu and waved down the bartender to sneak in my order 10 minutes before the kitchen closed. Then, breathing a sigh of relief (I was HUNGRY), I flipped open my Kindle.

After years of flirting with baggage overage charges on my longer trips due to my voracious reading patterns, I finally caved last week and ordered a Kindle. I didn’t think I would like it as much as I do. I also had no clue it was going to be considered an open invitation to any male in the vicinity to approach and ask me about what I’m reading and why, how I like the Kindle and can they buy me a drink.

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Perhaps this doesn’t surprise some of you. After all, the dating advice books all say to take along or wear a conversation starter when entering a new public venue. Team hat, funny t-shirt, interesting necklace… whatever would give another person an entrance to start talking to you. But, you see, I’ve been reading books in public for years. I simply have no fear of going to dinner with my literary flavor of the day for a date. And can safely say that rarely has anyone used that as a reason to talk to me. Perhaps its because I read books that improvise as dumbbells when away from a gym… but whatever the reason… the Kindle does not send the same literary spinster message as a hefty tome of historical fiction or the latest book on cultural development.

As I quickly discovered on my culinary adventure last night.

I had no sooner settled into Kindle reading and hummus scooping than drunk guy #1 approached to breathe whisky fumes in the general direction of my cleavage (perhaps he was aiming for the Kindle, I don’t know) and ask what I was reading, did I like that “thing,” could I put his information into it, why is it better than a laptop, why don’t I stop reading and come join their group, etc. Not in the mood, but mildly amused, I replied that I would think about it and returned to my “book.” He wandered off to deliver drinks only to return within minutes for round 2. More of the same. Less amused but brush off #2 delivered, I settled back into the Kindle after ascertaining that the group in question was somewhere around round 5… 

Only a page or two later, the hairs on the back of my neck stood up as I felt the whisky fumes over my shoulder. (At this point, the bartenders are all giggling — guys and yes, they were giggling — at the look on my face.) Drunk guy goes in for another shot at enticing me to join his table. He starts reading what I’m reading on the Kindle and proceeds to lob a question about it my way. At this point, I’m annoyed. It breaks book etiquette to intrude on what someone else is reading. You can ask for the title and if you like the book, but certainly don’t start reading over the shoulder! This time I turn the Kindle off and face him. Brush off is not so polite this time. Pretty direct — NOT interested. Then I hear the snickering coming from his group and realize that they have all been in on it. (I see shooing motions directed my way which he interprets as don’t give up. *sigh*) The bartender saves me and sends him back with more drinks for the group and off he goes. 

Now the entire bar area is watching the exchange and laughing quietly at the sober, literary girl who came in on the late flight and her whiskified suitor. No sooner than drunk guy #1 leaves with his drinks, drunk guy #2 scoots over and proceeds to… you guessed it… ask about the Kindle. I have almost given up reading at this point and am now contemplating how I can eat more quickly and make my escape. He had to have heard that the last guy got shot down with the same approach, so what gives? Bartender takes this opportunity to ask me if I’d like a drink to go with that Kindle. (very funny)

Enter Guy #3 who has missed the action up to this point as he comes in from the lobby, glances at the bar and snags the seat next to me, orders a drink and innocently … asks about the Kindle. Slightly incredulous, I start looking for the cameras. Thankfully, he’s not drunk (yet) and allows me to give a brief opinion on the Kindle, express my exhaustion and kindly brush him off without interfering further. Guy #1 comes in for another attempt much to guy #2′s latent frustration.

Guy #4 is nice. British. And has been watching the whole show with amused glances. He scoots his stool over to my other side, blocking any more advances from guy #1 or #2 and proceeds to ask me about anything but the Kindle. Sensing a savior of sorts, I turn to my 007 and engage in an animated conversation about investing, finance and the Chinese markets. Guy #1 (VP sales at Intel according to his lanyard) gives up at this point with one final invitation to finish last call with his group. Once he leaves, I express gratitude to my British friend and promptly ask for my bill so I can sneak out. Apparently one of my Kindle suitors has already taken care of it. Hunh. Either that, or the bartenders really really feel bad for me. I leave a tip anyway, grab my Kindle and float like a butterfly out the entrance as quickly as I may —  praying for elevators that are quick, drunks that are slow and that I won’t need to sting like a bee.

I figured maybe it was a bar at night kind of effect, so I took my Kindle (may need to come up with a name for him) with me to the pool this afternoon but left when I caught the guy two lounge chairs over sizing up the Kindle, my bikini and trying to make eye contact. All this to say. I innocently bought a Kindle to further my reading addiction. But have apparently stumbled upon one of the great conversation starters of this year.

Don’t get me wrong… I’m not complaining about the attention or the guys taking the initiative to approach… at another time, I might have been delighted by one of the Kindle suitors (guy #1 obviously not qualifying) and at all times am a fan of guys who are brave enough to approach women instead of just complaining about never having a date. But the timing was off for these men. My attention is a bit … distracted… right now.

So, if you’re a single out on the prowl and having trouble getting people to break the ice with you… take a Kindle. You might be surprised. (You may also want to pack mace.)